Thursday 11 November 2010

attention citizens: give up life now, you can’t afford it.

The government today announced a controversial new policy to be implemented in 2012 – a tax on oxygen. The new tax will be means-tested and based on a sliding-scale model, with the aim of reducing excess respiration. It is thought that those prone to hyperventilation will be hardest hit under the new scheme.

David Shameron defended his decision to introduce the measure at a press conference earlier, amidst cries of dissention in the coalition ranks. “There simply is not room in the budget to make concessions for frivolities like breathing”, he asserted, with the support of his deputy, Dick Clegg, who added “Yes. What he said.”

Human rights organisations have voiced their concerns for the most vulnerable sectors of society, particularly those with asthma and similar conditions, whilst the Independent Bullshit Association has published a review which states that 20% of people think something or other.  

Shameron has also indicated that the new tax is only the first of a series of money-saving initiatives. “We will certainly be looking at further cuts in the key problem areas. Laughter, and such.” Meanwhile, the leader of the British National Party, Nick ‘We’re not racist really’ Griffin blamed it all on the foreigners, which everyone agreed was a breath of fresh air.  

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